When the fire alarm rang my options were thus:
Option 1) Stay inside with fake fire, or
Option 2) Go out in rain with very real lightning.

Considering how the building emptied out, I fear for our collective survival instincts.

When was the last time you saw a paragraph (ie. more than one sentence) composed on the toilet stall? For me it’s been a while. It occurs to me that with the proliferation of Web 2.0, everyone in the blogosphere is simultaneously getting their fifteen minutes of fame. Instead of this resulting in the celebrity of a singular “You”, it instead results in the celebrity of the collective “You” as observed by the Time Magazine’s Person Of The Year for 2006.

We have a louder voice, but our thoughts are more anonymous than ever.

The bathroom walls are more barren than they once were. Perhaps people are carrying fewer pens than they did in the 90’s? Instead of searching for the longest restroom comprehensive effort, I find myself instead looking for the ones written in Sharpie instead of ballpoint.

I figure that someone who brings a Sharpie with them to the washroom must have a piece of momentary universal clarity that could be lost before he reaches an Internet connection, allowing it to fade back into the cosmic ether from which it spawned.

Unfortunately, since I usually only frequent pubs and sports bars, that ‘clarity’ is often nothing more than “HABS SUK BAWLS”

This leads to yet another observation on movie nominclature, and how casual films that start with letters early in the alphabet probably do better than those in the latter part.

Where the theory fails is movies with star power. Just one week after an article asking “Who Killed The Movie Star?“, Will Smith’s poorly reviewed Hancock had a 100-plus million dollar opening weekend (al beit “extended” and “holiday” weekend). In these circumstances people are going to the theatre, already set on seeing Hancock.

Where the theory has legs is when your movie has a little star power, but is more likely to fall in the field of, “I feel like a movie, what’s playing?” For example, I was surprised to find that “Don’t Mess With The Zohan” is actually named “YOU Don’t Mess With The Zohan“. I’m confident that there would have been more casual movie viewers had the title placed it in the front half of the movie listings. Placement BEFORE instead of AFTER “Iron Man” could mean the difference between life and death in the first few months of this year’s summer movie season. No doubt there were many conversations this May/June as such:

“Do you want to see a movie?”

“Sure. Get the movie listings. What’s playing?”

“Umm… Chronicles of Narnia, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Harold & Kumar, Indiana Jones, Iron Man, Sex and the City, and You Don’t Mess With The Zohan.”

Movie theatres list showtimes alphabetically by movie name. However, I doubt that any Hollywood producers have caught on yet, or else all movies would be named like in the Yellow Pages; once you get past the advertising, everyone will call “A1 Plumbers” because they’re first in the book.

“Zohan’s Plumbing” won’t do very well at all, and “You Don’t Mess With The Zohan’s Plumbing” won’t fare much better.

The company Syl’s working for, Dynacon, is putting a Micro-satellite into orbit with help from the CSA. Very cool. I’ve never worked for a company Slashdot-worthy.

I kind of pictured a “Micro-satellite” as something that looks like the Hubble Space Telescope but about the size of my thumbnail… like a scale model or something that got caught in a shrink ray.

Instead, ‘NEOSSat will be the size of a large suitcase‘. Com’on! This thing tracks killer asteroids! Get more imaginative! At least put some bumper stickers on it.

Either way, it’s pretty cool whenever something you’ve worked on gets applied to the real world space.

Edit July 2, 2008: Updated to correct nomenclature and past/future tense.

While it’s reasonable to think that Silverman can relax in a belated retirement his services have been invaluable to many “small guys” around the city, even helping out Simone’s parents at one point.

Speakers Corner has been absent for a year or two while the Queen and John corner has been undergoing renovations (although it turns out the episodes are still airing) The outright cancellation isn’t too shocking. However, they’ll soon move into the busiest pedestrian corner in this part of Canada. Why announce that they want to chop it?

Steve Kerzner (aka. Ed The Sock) is accepting it graciously, and I think in the ten years since I hosted the most popular site on the web dedicated to him (including his own, official site), I imagine he’s become tired of the role. What he could do with the character peaked years ago and has sort of lived on in spite of that.

An additional irony is the fact that Ed got his start on the Rogers community channel.

If they were replacing it with good material, then I could understand. Instead, Rogers is just positioning the cross-Canada CityTV stations with American syndicated shows that were rejected by Global and CTV. Pretty much the entire CityTV line-up is crappy Reality TV (not even “good” Reality TV).

My brother, John, hypothisized that the next thing that established CityTV as a unique broadcaster of niche content, Baby Blue movies, might be the next thing to go.

With my cable already cancelled, how could I further protest if such a horror were to come to pass?!?

Damn. I think I’m already closing in on 100… well, here’s my comment then:

Edward Norton is a good actor, but thoroughly unconvincing as a “smart guy“.

The first weekend in June just finished with Jack Black beating Adam Sandler in equally cartoonish creations. The reviews and kid-friendly material no doubt helped the movie gain the lead. Opting for some family-to-be responsibilities I had to miss Kung Fu Panda on Saturday, but the critical acclaim seems to be favouring it. The premise looks a little simple, but the directors have done their homework. It has always seemed to me that the most enjoyable movies are made by movie geeks: Steven Spielberg, James Cameron, Peter Jackson, Sam Raimi and Guillermo Del Toro being some of my favourites.

The directors for Kung Fu Panda clearly define themselves in that class, by simply mentioning in an interview that the best experience making the movie was meeting Sammo Hung and Jackie Chan - and especially the seal of approval they received from Jackie seemed to be better than any $60 million opening weekend.

Sharing the same weekend, Don’t Mess With The Zohan is Adam Sandler’s latest in a series of high concept movies with a man-child with razor thin plot. The formula is so predictable that it even includes Rob Schneider and John Turturro. The former is predictable, and the only reason Rob Schneider even has hundreds of millions of dollars earned in Hollywood is because he’s inexplicably included in every Adam Sandler opus. John Turturro, on the other hand, seems to opt out of the indie movie scene for movies that pay the bills. Not that I wouldn’t do that myself given the opportunity, but his skills seem more and more wasted with every Adam Sandler movie.

Looking forward to the rest of the month, M. Night Shyamalan’s next film A Bunch Of Stuff That Happens was shorted to simply The Happening. I guess the earlier title didn’t really differentiate itself from M. Night’s other films. The rated R trailer looks to really distance itself from the tasteful filmgoers and target the Rob Zombie crowd. Famous for his downbeat, unassuming ending instead of the blowy-uppy ending that many audiences crave, the play to mainstream, gore loving audiences might force him to change his formula.

This might be the first M. Night movie I’d be interested in seeing pre-home release, but I’m not sure I could handle two hours of pure, unadulterated gore. Dawn of the Dead was a little too much to handle, and that wasn’t made by a master of psychological suspense. I’m pretty sure I’ll have to wait until I can watch this movie with a pause button.

The new Incredible Hulk movie follows the pattern of getting a brilliant director to make a summer blockbuster, and acting shocked when it developed characters ahead of big noise and predictable plot. Following Brian DePalma’s excellent action thriller Mission: Impossible, the producers opted for a more simple approach to filmmaking with M:I2, giving us a schlocky movie even by John Woo’s standards. I was worried when I found out that they were planning to do this with the Hulk series back in 2004. After three years of no significant development, I was hopeful that the idea had died.

However, as evidenced by the smashed cars and burning busses on Yonge St. last year, the production proceeded and we get Edward Norton replacing Eric Bana, Liv Tyler replacing Jennifer Connelly (a casting decision I fully support), and about every other character that might have been present in the first film, replaced with a doppelganger. The producers have been so thorough in promoting the rebuilding of this series that the average moviegoer is even more convinced that Ang Lee’s entry was trash. I might see this in theatres, but my expectations will match those of Mission: Impossible 2.

I remember looking forward to seeing Get Smart with Don Adams after school every day. Other shows like Gilligan’s Island and the 1960’s Batman were the series I worked through start to finish, several times over between my adolescent years and late teens. I’m a fan of Steve Carell, but don’t count myself in his superfan legion. However, I have to agree with their casting. His comedic style is a worthy successor to Don Adams (may he rest in peace).

Hopefully, it won’t resort to over the top toilet humour in order to capture the Austin Powers crowd. One asset is Dwayne Johnson (aka. WWE’s “The Rock”). More than once he’s played a parody of himself, but usually only on Monday Night RAW. Finally, Alan Arkin as The Chief is another piece of excellent casting. Even if the reviews are below average, I believe this is a movie I have to see. There are other actresses I would have as Agent 99, but otherwise the movie can carry itself no matter how good or bad the plot turns out to be.

The final weekend in June features another formulaic, forgettable movie paired against a kids movie. Angelina Jolie in a… well, there’s not really much more to say since that’s all that people will be interested in seeing. Wanted also features Morgan Freeman playing a two-dimensional character for the fun of it, and a wealth of gunfire, fast cars and digital effects. Almost certainly a good movie to go see after a few pitchers with the guys.

This is probably the most “Summer Movie” so far this year… not a sequel, adaptation from another media or attempt to cash in on a tired formula. Take a couple A-list actors, toss in action, beautiful cinematography, thin plot that can be completely explored in the two minute trailer, and release. It wins as the most original, unoriginal movie so far this year. Kinda makes me want to see it.

…but not more than Wall-E. This is the movie I’ve been waiting for almost as much as Chris Sanders’ next opus. While Pixar has continued to crank out quality films, they’ve never managed to match the escapism of the first few. Ending after Finding Nemo, and starting with The Incredibles, the Pixar films were good but not great. The difference was the writer, Andrew Stanton.

Wall-E follows a strange little robot, inhabiting Earth 700 years in the future after Humans had left it behind as a garbage planet. Side note - there’s a good variation on this set up in the Red Dwarf novels. Just from the trailers and various promos starring Wall-E I know I’m in love with the character. Following the end of the Lilo & Stitch series last year I wondered how long it would be until I found a new character to idolize. Perhaps that was part of my enthusiasm in adopting him for the role, but I really think it’s just about how CUTE he is!

Not a very balanced preview, but there’s little to deter me from seeing this movie opening weekend and loving it. Following this, there’s not another kids-friendly movie being released until halfway through August. Wall-E won’t have the top opening gross for the summer, but I predict it will be in the top 3 summer overall gross.

That’s about it. For reference, AvP:R is a decent movie to watch in a dark room when you’re doing other stuff. Beyond that, very predictable but far better action sequences than the first AvP movie. I’d certainly prefer to watch it again than Mess With Zohan.

Update: It turns out that Wanted is very, very, very loosely based on a comic/graphic novel. I stand corrected. I still believe this currently rates as the most “Summer Movie” in the classical sense of the term.

Iron Man had probably the best special effects I’ve seen, but certainly not on purpose. The thunderstorm last night passed overhead just as Tony Stark was making the first Iron Man suit, and blowing stuff up. The biggest explosion at the end of the battle happened a split second after a lightning bolt struck just behind the screen. It couldn’t have been better if it were planned that way.

Other than that, Iron Man was a thoroughly average movie. There was nothing wrong with it, but only because it followed the template for making a comic book movie to the letter. What differentiated the movie from other comic book movies is the director, Jon Favereau, is a big fan of improvised dialogue, and Robert Downey Jr. is particularly talented when it comes to embracing a character and carrying it beyond the script.

Even still, I can’t see why this film got such critical acclaim. It’s good, but not great. It really doesn’t stand out from the crowd of comic book movies aside from the fact that it’s “not a bad movie”. Most films without anything beyond the standard template tend to suffer from the very constraints of the form and we get The Punisher or Daredevil (both of which have inexplicably spawned sequels).

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, on the other hand, was brilliant. Although they might have changed the title to “Henry Jones Jr. and the…”. He was called “Henry” just as much in the movie as he was called “Indy”. In any case, this is definitely a worthy successor to the series. There was a hiccup in pre-production over a script for the movie, but it has been worth the extra four-year wait to get the story/script just right. This is a phenomenal movie.

There’s a lot of suspension of disbelief required to enjoy the movie, even from the opening scenes. Anyone who doesn’t like the movie will have a lot of fodder to harp on; details like obvious stuntmen shots, likelihood that you’d survive a nuclear blast, etc. but it doesn’t take that much effort to force yourself into a place where you get carried along for the ride.

After reading the trivia page on IMDB, I’ve found that they’ve gone to great lengths to ensure that the filming style mimics the previous three, and the effort really shows. This isn’t the same Spielberg who made Minority Report and Munich. This is Jurassic-Park-and-earlier Spielberg. THIS is the moviemaking I miss in the summer.

Anyway, with no new release last weekend that I’m interested in seeing I’m now only two movies behind on my summer list, and I’m perfectly comfortable with the possibility of seeing neither Speed Racer nor Narnia until video release.

I still qualify this entry as a “Preview”, because I have yet to see the four big movies that have hit the theatres so far. I can’t decide if it’s because I’ve been too busy or I’m just too upset by crowds to go to opening weekends. Maybe I just need to warm up first.

The first fact to note as someone who lives south of Eglinton is that there are now two megaplex theatres in the downtown core. With Paramount ScotiaBank Theatre now sharing the dense 2008 blockbuster season with the AMC24, there are still multiple showings of Iron Man instead of restricting it to two or three theatres while newer movies like Speed Racer and Indiana Jones fill up multiple screens.

The downside is that you’re no longer sure that the Paramount ScotiaBank Theatre will have “this week’s big movie”. It’s a requirement now more than ever that you have to check show listings to find out whether your movie is playing at John and Richmond or Yonge and Dundas.

It’s a small sacrifice I’m willing to make in order to ensure multiple showings per hour of whatever film I want to see. In the last few years I’ve often needed to resort to smaller cinemas like Varsity or Rainbow Market Square, or travel up to Eglinton in order to get a showtime I wanted for a movie that’s been out more than 14 days.

Iron Man I have discussed before. I was more thrilled about it before everyone was thrilled about it. While I’m hardly anti-establishment, I found that my interest in the film reduced as the general publics increased. Now that the film is sitting in the shadow of Indiana Jones I find myself ready to go see it. Maybe it’s just my fear of seeing movies with large crowds of stupid people.

Speed Racer was a “bomb”. It seems that all the layers of depth in the first Matrix movie have slowly disappeared in favour of pushing the limits of moviemaking. Along the way to making Speed Racer, the Wachowski Brothers changed the face of filmmaking once and that’s all it takes for immortality. However, reaching that bar again when it’s been set so high can be difficult or even impossible.

Just like a latter-day George Lucas, they may never make a true crowd-pleaser again. All they can hope to do is continue making movies they want - which is what I believe they did with Speed Racer. That’s what Lucas did with the prequels, and that’s also certainly what Peter Jackson did. After making his immortal mark on cinema, Jackson was given a blank cheque to make whatever he wanted. He decided to remake his favourite film, “King Kong”. The Wachowski’s made Speed Racer because they really wanted to. And although I know how bad a movie it’s supposed to be, a part of me wants to see it for that very reason.

The new Narnia movie has come out. I enjoyed The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, but it suffered from the overuse of CG battle scenes prevalent in today’s epic films. Following the Lord of the Rings movies, every epic has liberal use of massive battles. It’s kind of sad to think that the last true all-extras battle scene made by Hollywood will probably be Timeline.

Prince Caspian is the first of a series of open-ended movies that have come out following LotR that has actually resulted in a sequel. Eragon and The Golden Compass are two movies that come to mind that were left so open-ended that I felt cheated having invested 90 to 120 minutes in a movie that was so bad, it doesn’t have a chance of continuing. Not that I was very emotionally invested in the characters, but I hope an Eragon sequel at least comes out as a Direct-to-DVD release just so I can see John Malkovich get his come-uppins.

Sadly, the first Narnia movie was a complete story in and of itself. If I was able to connect with the characters more then I might have a bigger urge to go see this one. As it is, I’ll wait for the DVD and probably watch it with my niece and nephews.

While I really should have been one of those geeks who took the day off to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (you know who you are), I chose to reserve my vacation days for my upcoming wedding. However, I have reservations with this movie too. While most people are concerned about the age of Harrison Ford and/or Indy, or the nearly two decades spanning since the last film, my biggest concern is Shia Leboef.

I’m not particularly impressed by him. I find it slightly ironic that the new “heroes” of the 21st century (looking twiggy, geeky and about five years too young to be in a grown-up’s role) keep showing up in these 80’s series revivals like Justin Long in Live Free or Die Hard. Bruce Willis has Samuel L. Jackson in the last movie, and now he gets paired up with “hi, I’m a Mac”. Harrison Ford shares the screen with someone even tougher than he is when Sean Connery plays his father, and now he gets the twerp from Transformers?

He might be a great actor but I have yet to see that come out. Either way he’s “The Shit(TM)” in Hollywood right now. Just remember, so was Andrew McCarthy.

The final big movie releasing in May 2008 is the completely unneccesary Sex In The City. I’m not a woman, and I’m not over 40. The only episode of the series I watched involved a shot with an 80 year old man’s buttocks in full view. I doubt he’ll be in the movie, but forty (and fifty) something, hot-and-horny women on a four story screen appeals to me about the same amount.

June’s looking good, but before I get there I really need to see at least two of the movies listed above. Stay tuned…

I won tickets to see an Edge “Next Big Thing” concert with The Constantines. These concerts are getting worse as time goes on. Mind you, the first NBT concert I went to was for the Kaiser Chiefs while Damon Albarn was in town signing copies of the new Gorillaz album. It was a high-point of the summer to listen to a live rendition of “I Predict A Riot” performed with the lead singer of Blur.

The next concert I won tickets to was Tokyo Police Club at Drake Underground.  They went on 45 minutes late and played for 44 minutes. I also came to realize that the vocalist really doesn’t have that much range.

At The Supermarket (located comfortably in Kensington Market), we sat in a freshly renovated lounge for a few hours while the opener went on 45 minutes after curtain time, and subsequently sucked. Some hippie, Kensington Market weirdo with a hemp dress and played the same three notes over and over while she mumbled into the microphone. After twenty minutes she left, and we waited another fifteen before the Constantines finally graced us with their presence.

They were good. Don’t get me wrong. But in the recent renovation of the club, they forgot to put in a decent sound system. The music was maxing out and distorting the speakers that were probably still tuned for the burnout who went on before them. It only served to accent the horrible opener they had. Even though we waited almost an hour and half, we left after three songs.

After that rather disappointing concert at the Supermarket, my motivation for the Toronto music scene was low.  Couple that with the virtual disappearance of some of my favourite bands like Crush Luther and The Salads and I was faced with a need to find some new music to follow.

Simone got a chance to go take photos of People In Planes for an online music mag and for the $12 cover I could follow. The doors opened at 9 and they went on just after the curtain time.  Very professional. From the very start, I had the feeling that I was in the presence of Rock Stars. They acted like they were performing on a big stage with thousands of fans, but crammed into the tight space that the Rivoli stage yields.

The lead’s guitar kept dying. While it was never determined whether it was his instrument or the A/V system he managed to croon his way through the set, occasionally strumming at his muted guitar to keep time. Looking at his watch he mentioned at the 50-minute mark in the set that this was the longest set they’ve ever played. They continued to finish off the double-set (~90 minute) with stuff from the debut album as well as from the forthcoming disc.

The night finished with two encores. They had the audience in the palm of their hands, and I think we had them in ours.