Movie Reviews On The Run

28 09 2007

Short little reviews to make up for the utter lack of writing over the last week. Enjoy:

Resident Evil: Extinction had some really good jump-out-at-you scenes, but they were 90% predictable if you’ve seen enough horror movies… Simone hasn’t, so I left the theatre with indents on my arm where she was grabbing me. Like I said, it looks like Mad Max with zombies, and it IS Mad Max with zombies. Not that it’s a big deal for a movie like this, but there were a lot of “conveniences” in the plot, and a few plot holes you really have to ignore.

Of course there are loose threads (note plural) at the end, allowing - as I figure - for another movie, and/or spinoff video game and/or TV series… yes, I’m serious, there was a loose thread that leaves itself open for a parallel storyline.

While over at Paul’s place on Friday we watched the Larry The Cable Guy: Health Inspector movie. It really was as bad as you would expect. Since Paul and I moved to GTA, we’ve been embracing our redneck roots. We laughed our asses off and even Simone found a few parts funny. His character drives around a truck that looks a lot like Mater from the Cars movie (who he voiced) and I couldn’t stop laughing at the home air conditioning unit in the rear window.

I’m going to group reviews for Superbad and Knocked Up, since they came out only a few months apart and share much of the same key creative team. These were also the geniuses behind 40 Year Old Virgin.  Steve Carrell is damned good, but that movie was great because of the writing, direction, and supporting cast. For the same reasons, Superbad (which feels like a satire on teen movies) and Knocked Up (with a terribly unoriginal plot) both are good because the journey from the start of the film to the credits is so entertaining.

I would not say that Superbad is “The funniest movie I’ve seen all year”, even though I can’t say off the top of my head what that movie would be. However, critics and commoners alike are all saying that. I cautiously have to say, “it’s not as good as everyone says it is”, because it is still a far funnier film than most attempts by Hollywood these days.

That’s about it for now. Simone and I are going to Eastern Promises tonight. It’s starting to get Oscar buzz for Cronenberg as well as for Viggo Mortensen.  I imagine the complete snub for History of Violence last year (and Cronenberg’s subsequent hissy-fit) had at least some part in the build-up of recognition this year.

Naomi Watts also stars in the film. Personaly, I can’t resist crossover jokes between “Lord of the Rings” and “The Ring“. Maybe I should make a trailer mashup between the two?



Spontaneous Trip To Waterloo (Just Like Napoleon)

18 09 2007

On a whim, Simone and I trekked out to KW to visit Reg et al. We managed to pull in Mel, but Homeowner-Ben was tied up. Right now he’s suffering from the long hours of a “Version 1.0″ company. I saw an IBM slave reading Microserfs on the bus today, and now I wonder if Ben has read it.

Reg lives in a part of Waterloo that used to be populated by wild animals. Now there is a thriving suburban village out there. I think it extends past St. Jacobs, and Reg is (due to recent construction) now one street away from bat-country.

When we pulled up to his place and got out of the car, the silence was deafening. I’ve spent a long time in Toronto, and my “time away from it all” this year was spent on the waterfront at the cottage. I had all but forgotten what it was like to experience silence… it was slightly unnerving.

We had a warm-up drink, played the first level of God of War II (now I’m anxious for the GoW PSP game), then picked up Mel. We stopped briefly past Ben’s workplace in order to pursuade him to shirk his responsibilities and go drinking with us, but he was far too responsible for us. Dammit.

The decision to go to Morty’s was made simply by calculating where’s a place where a bunch of mid-twenties/early-thirties people wouldn’t look out of place in a University town in September, and the fact that it was close.

Two of the best places to eat near King and University were Morty’s and Stanley Burger. Stanley’s turned into a Quizzno Subs shortly after I left KW, which just feels wrong. It’s like having your favourite Mom & Pop cafe turning into a Starbucks.

Morty’s wings were as brilliant as ever. They had that new Rickards White on tap, but I was torn between trying that and going for a Waterloo Dark. I could have wieghed options like how likely it would be that I would find one or the other in Toronto, but really it came down to what I wanted with my wings. Waterloo Dark was closer to what I wanted, so I enjoyed a pint with my big-ass, honey garlic wings.

My night-driving isn’t as good as it once was. Where once I could leave Kitchener after a Thursday night of clubbing, drive home to Barrie, and still get up early to drive to Richmond Hill for work, I find that leaving much after midnight is risky.

(Simone is barred from commenting on my old age being a factor here… she was asleep before we hit the 401.)

Regardless of the late hour of our departure, we got home well after two. Following two days of chicken wings for dinner I swore that I would eat less protein and more balanced meals for the rest of the weekend.

On Sunday, Simone made chili for lunch. Oh well.



Smashing Pumpkins Are Eff’ing Metal!

10 09 2007

For the record, “eff’ing metal” is a good thing. I’ve encountered more than one person who grew up in the urban center of GTA who didn’t get that. That’s the reason that I’ve thought twice about getting the “Jesus is F’ing Metal” t-shirt. Most people don’t believe me that it has nothing to do with the Revelations ramifications and the fact that I’m a PK.

Yesterday I scored tickets to the second day of this year’s Virgin Music Festival out on Toronto Island.  Saturday’s headliner was Bjork, and I’m always astonished at how I’m the only person who doesn’t like her music (it’s like she records three good songs in different tempos and keys, then plays them all at the same time). Sunday’s headliner was Smashing Pumpkins. It’s been a long time since I’ve been so happy while crammed in with 10,000 people.

When Billy Corgan through a hissy-fit and claimed that he’s tired of fighting the “Britney’s of the world”, I realised that a lot of bands I had never had the chance to see live were fading away.  That’s probably one of the reasons I jumped on the bandwagon when the Sex Pistols played the Molson Amphitheatre.

By definition, watching the Pistols 25-30 years after they were most relevant in a large venue is as punk-poseur as one can get without getting a teardrop tattoo. However, I justified it by saying that I could never see them in their glory days, so now I just want to have the experience of having had seen them. I will also use the excuse that the Dropkick Murphey’s opened, but that was really only a happy coincidence.

While the whole band wasn’t really up on stage last night, the mood definitely was.  The newest Pumpkins album isn’t going to shift the music world into new grounds, but it proved that they are still relevant to the New Rock scene.

Billy Corgan played for an hour and 45 minutes before taking a pre-encore disappearing act behind the stage. During that time, he played the hit singles, some of the new stuff, and several 10-15 minute epic songs. After the fifth such song, there was a bit of a lull in energy. “Yeah, we get it. You can play guitar really fucking well. Get on with it.”

There were also solos from the drummer, but we never got to hear from the other guitarist or the bassist. The bassist was doing her best bass-chick bit. Almost makes me satisfied I’ve never seen Melissa Auf Der Maur play (yet).

However, when they played the high-energy classics (especially “Bullet with Butterfly Wings”), the audience went mental. I was slamming my head while most of the teeners around me were just bopping to the music, but they proved that the band still has what it takes to channel angst.

Other short notes about the festival - we left before the encore started, and waited an hour in line for the ferry. I can’t imagine how long it would have taken had we waited to the very end.

The Merchant’s Row was actually pretty good. There’s one nasty trend I’ve noticed in the years since the “Bubble” burst. Few companies are willing to hand out swag. Concerts, festivals, conferences and conventions have slick sales guys (or student summer staff) in these booths costing several thousand dollars, handing out pamphlets that make it 10-50 feet before being dropped.

People will keep swag! GM had t-shirts, RBC had a whistle with a blinking LED on a lanyard, and Energizer had a stuffed bunny. Half of places appealed to people’s vanity with “let us take your photo and if you don’t win the contest you at least get a photo”. In 2001 I went to one of the very last Comdex’s here in Toronto. That was the last time I got so much cool swag up until this weekend. The Xbox 360 booth was set up for people to come up and play Guitar Hero 2, but it really wasn’t that busy. Why? NO FREE SWAG!

Other bands we saw, in chronological order, include dd/mm/yyyy (pronounced ‘Day, Month, Year), The Cinematics, Tokyo Police Club, Metric (excellent performance, bravo Emily et al.), and The Killers.

dd/mm/yyyy had a great performance, and it was cool to watch four of the five performers switch instruments throughout. I’ve heard them before on various Indie podcasts, but I found them hard to listen to live. It sounds like they’re playing a lot of minor keys and the lyrics are akin to Ross from “Friends” making music on his keyboard while mashing random sound effects. The music is good, so I’ll still listen to their songs on my iPod. I don’t think I’ll be rushing out to see them play again, but that’s just my musical tastes.

My final note is that Virgin Mobile had many tents set up, but no two were the same. That was refreshing since there was no “been there, done that” as you’re wandering around to different areas of the island. One tent was selling all the Virgin line of phones for a full 50% off. I picked up a Samsung phone for only forty bucks. The shape and size are nearly the same as my current phone, except that there’s no protruding antenna. Also, the battery on my current phone barely holds for longer than two days, and the charger has to be positioned just right so that it will work. Basically, within the next year I would have to replace it and this was my opportunity to do so cheaply.

The phone also comes with a cruddy camera and Bluetooth connectivity with nothing I own. I really didn’t want to have to pay for features I don’t want or will never use, and I managed to get away with it in this case.

Plus I got a free case for it. Yay swag!



Copyright Owners and Professional Opinionists: Scary People

5 09 2007

Scanning through my server logs, I found a few interesting tidbits of information. The first was that a particularly popular album stored on NextDoorNoise.ca in MP3 format had somehow worked its way into Google’s search rankings.  Since there are no direct links to the folder where the files are stored, I have no idea how it happened.  Anyway, searching for the artist and album name brought up the usual ten results, where my site was number 4.

I was getting about 200 people a day downloading the album from my server. I’ve since removed it and won’t mention the artist/album here so that I don’t incriminate myself in another forum that is crawled by Google, MSN Search and Yahoo on an hourly basis.

The bandwidth wasn’t the big issue.  Even with all the downloads, I was only using up a little over 1% of my monthly allotment.  However, if I were to be sued, I would need to live to be older than the Sun in order to pay it off.

Masterfile (Rights Reserved photos) once spotted one of their copyrighted graphics in my 30-second Photoshop Fun folder. I wasn’t making profit off it, but they sent me a warning anyway. I removed the graphic immediately, and emailed back confirming that I had done so. The tone in the response was actually quite pleasant; thanking me for my prompt action! Copyright owners aren’t all ogres. However, I get the impression that the majority of the lawyers who work for the RIAA are.  Mean, stinky ogres. But that’s just opinion.

So imagine my surprise when I found another interesting treat in my server logs… a link from RottenTomatoes.com (a film review site). It seems that someone in the forums syndicated my review for WAR (aka “Rogue” in other countries). There was a reference link back to my site, so I get the credit I deserve.  However, there is the point of contention that my content is being reused by other people on the Internet.

Simone told me I should just be proud that someone thought my review was good enough to syndicate and to stop whining like a Geoff Pevere.

I don’t have anything against Geoff Pevere. I really don’t trust anyone who reviews movies as a career. After enough years you forget to assess exactly what a movie is trying to accomplish and start to compare Alien vs. Predator against Citizen Kane.

For the record, the worst review I have ever read in Toronto Newspapers is Katrina Onstad who wrote what is probably the stupidest review, when she reviewed The Last Samurai. What stays with me to this day are the three times she mentions how cute Tom Cruise is, and the statement, “just like its dumber twin, Dances With Wolves…”.

Forgive me if I misquote a little, but that is very nearly what she wrote. “Dumber twin”?!? As in, the “Multiple-Academy-Award-Winning-Including-Best-Picture-Dumber-Twin”?

It is one of many times when I have become more emotionally involved with a review than I did with a movie.

In conclusion, other than Siskel and Ebert (not including Roeper), no one should be allowed to review movies professionally.  That probably goes for any art-slash-entertainment form.

Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert could appreciate a movie for what it was. While Gene isn’t with us anymore, I’m glad that Roger managed to make it to the Toronto Film Fest this year. I doubt I’ll get to see him in person since the TIFF website crashed this morning as tickets went on sale, so now I’m committed to the Rush lines for any of the movies I want to see.

In my entire life I’ve only seen one movie at TIFF. Every year I forget why so few.

The theatres are mostly filled with pompous film critics and arthouse nerds.

Not to mention the TIFF website has had server issues, and some of the worst usability I’ve seen in years, especially on the Ticket Order page. It makes TIFF 2007 look like an inaugural year with all the amature mistakes.

Maybe I’ll skip this year again.